so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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