idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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