I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
