We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
