you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
