you didnt know i had herpes?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
