I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
should my penis look like a turkey
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
