You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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