I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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