Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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