so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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