Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
