man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
