Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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