Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need moral support for this bender
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
