Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
