i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
