Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
