College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
