Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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