Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
