some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
