It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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