We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
