I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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