Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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