anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
