Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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