the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
