i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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