12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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