I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
