the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
