so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love having hate sex.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
