Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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