can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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