Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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