Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
