he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
