My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In other news, I just burned my penis
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
