Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
