Ambien. No doubt about it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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