Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
