i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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