My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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