I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
