You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we made out on top of his cat.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
