Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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