yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
