It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
