porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
