so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
