Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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