The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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