whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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