Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Don't make out with my wife yet
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
